Done.

I have to say that is categorically the least fun I’ve ever had at a poker tournament. It was over after the 2nd hand. Not literally, but you’ll have to be a poker player to know what I’m talking about here. 2nd hand I look down at KT off-suit in middle position. The goof to my right min-raises. I want to start aggressive but I’d literally just sat down, have no idea how anyone plays, so after a second of deliberation I decide to watch a few hands and get the lay of the land. Flop come TTT. And two guys contest it like a couple a hyenas fighting over a lion’s carcass. I probably woulda tripled up my 15K. And you know the feeling. Like you might as well stand up and cut your losses right there. You’ve got a full stack and you feel like you have absolutely no chance this day. You’ve been there, right? For you non-poker players out there, it’s analogous to just missing that beautiful parking spot on King St. West by a split second. Now you drive around for twenty minutes trying to find a comparable one, but you already know your clams are going to be undercooked, and the waiter is going to dump a tray of penne arrabiata right on your lap. You just know it. You should go home. Which is what I should’ve done.

The saving grace is I never had to re-buy. So the entire miserable afternoon merely cost me $325. I had AA early and got it cracked by 99. I never saw a hand after that.

The obnoxious South African beside me asked too many questions and I swear the smell of farts was prevalent enough to justify an evacuation. I don’t know if it was the South African or the Danish guy on the other side of me, but one of those guys needs medical attention.

So that’s it. My beautiful wife is at the spa right now getting even more beautiful. I’m glad she had a great day. I’m glad I’ll live to see another. Maybe this weekend, but probably not. Probs we’ll just enjoy the sun and the enormous breasts. I’m sorry, did I just write that? What I meant was we’ll just enjoy the sun. Anyway stay tuned. I’ll let you know.