A few months ago I didn’t even know what a “blog” was, and up until the moment I’d created this one, I’m not sure that I’d ever actually seen a “blog”. (Well, I suppose when I was younger I lived in an apartment where the shower drain was constantly getting “blogged” with hair but I think that’s a different kind of blog altogether… and I had hair). Anyway, with the snap of a finger (and about 17 infuriating misfires) here I am, a venerable blogmeister with my own official blog. For the first time I feel like I actually belong to the 21st century. It’s so… what’s the word?… emancipating. Nah, that’s not quite right. Emasculating? Nuh-uh… Emaciating? uh-no… Embarassing? Ahhh, now we’re getting closer.

Yeah, it’s a little goofy, if not a tiny bit creepy, this idea of creating a special space where people with plenty going on in their own lives, with neither the time nor the inclination, feel somehow obligated to stick their noses into another guy’s business, just because that particular guy has the sheer self-indulgent immodesty to deign it neccessary to display all his dirty laundry, all his sick dark secrets, reveal all his blessed nakedness, in a public forum. Even if it’s just to tell you what’s going on with his poker tournaments, it seems – to me anyway – a little … showy.

But, at the risk of “jinxing” any hope of success with my fledgling foray into The European Poker Tour (EPT), I’ve created this little blog for anybody I know who has a spare minute or two in their otherwise glamorous lives. I’ll use it to keep anybody who actually gives a shit informed about my – I’m warning you right now, possibly brief and uneventful – experiences with two stops on the tour that I have qualified for by playing poker online, The Scandinavian Open (aka EPT Copenhagen) and the EPT Grand Final in Monte Carlo. The Copenhagen tournament takes place in (duh!) Copenhagen February 19-23, 2008. Monte Carlo goes April 12-17, 2008.

So getting down to brass tacks: The entry fee, my flight and my hotel for the two tournaments all come courtesy of my (now) good friends at PokerStars, my virtual poker home. I won these seats online using my canny skills, unabashed fearlessness, and a lot of luck.

The entry fee for the Copenhagen tournament is 50,000 DKK (Kroners, I think?) which is equivalent to aproximately $9700 (US). They’ve capped the number of participants at 460 (which is now sold out!) creating an overall prize pool of about $4.5 million. Winner probably gets a quarter of that. 10% of the field will win something.

Then I go to Monte Carlo where it’s an even higher entry fee 10,000 Euros, aproximately $14,500 (US) and I think there’ll be about 800 people in that one, so the prize pool is even bigger. Being the “Grand Final” it’s a star-studded event, attracting the “hoi-polloi” of the poker industry, as well as all the 18 year-old wunderkinds, and a couple of strays like me.

So we’ll see what happens. David beat Goliath didn’t he? Well, didn’t he? I see myself as the Israel of poker. I’m out-numbered and out-gunned. They’re either younger and more brazen than me or they’re grittier and more experienced. In some cases… all of the above. But I’ve got one thing they don’t have. A bad back. No wait! One other thing. I’ve got… pluck. That’s right, you heard me, pluck. Is that enough? Only time will tell.

So stay tuned.

Or don’t. Honestly you don’t have to.

I really don’t know how often I’ll update this thing. This may be the first and last entry for all I know. I’ll just do it when I do it and I’m not going to worry about spelling or grammar (sorry Ruth!) or style or content. It’ll be random and scattered and always unneccessary. If I run into Chris (Jesus) Ferguson at the airport and I take him for “a hundred large” heads-up, you’ll hear about it. If I (accidentally) dump a side of coleslaw down Jennifer Tilly’s cleavage you’ll hear about it. If I eat some bad shrimp you’ll hear about it. I can’t promise it’ll always be pretty.

I leave for Copenhagen a week Sunday (Feb. 17) .