There was the Irish lesbian to the right of me and the weird lesbian with the hat two to my left.

The lesbian with the hat may have ended my poker career.

***

So, after two days of getting bludgeoned with bad beats and indubitable misfortune, I was back at the Venetian for another shot at the $600 4-day extravaganza. I’m nothing if not a glutton for punishment.

Now I should mention that while I am here in Vegas there just happens to be three different “Ladies Only” tournament series going on at The Westgate, The Venetian, and Resorts World respectively. Needless to say, I’m not playing in any of those tournaments, but the month of December has certainly brought out the fatal femmes.  

Which brings us to the two lovely gay women at my table.

And please don’t insult me by asking how I knew they were gay. Trust me. They were mighty proud to be queer and here. Tattoos, brush cuts, flannel shirts, ill-fitting dungarees. I don’t need to be hit over the head fer Chrissakes. Also, the nice Irish lesbian on my right told me that she met her wife here on Christmas Eve in 2009 and they’ve been coming here for their anniversary ever since. Cute.

The lesbian with the hat was kinda quirky and severe, with all kinds of facial tickery. If Elizabeth Warren and Wallace Shawn had a love child, this was her. But when both the Irish lesbian and myself complimented her on her baby blue fedora, she softened a bit.

With blinds at 2K, I was somewhat shortish-stacked when the UTG fired 8500 into the pot. He looked uncannily like my nephew Nathan so I liked him. But he’d also been raising pre-flop every other hand. This sizing was unusual though. Too big a bet from under the gun, and very uncharacteristic. I put him on a low pair. So when it came to me on the button I decided to shove 47K with JJ, the first decent hand I’d seen in hours To my surprise, the weird lesbian with the hat also went all-in with a slightly larger stack. Oh-oh. Didn’t see THAT trouble coming. My nephew, Nathan, folded.

Much to my shock and delight, the lesbian with the hat turned over 88. She’d been pretty conservative up to now.

But all right! Time to mount my comeback!.

Flop comes KQ3. Yes! I’m going to have over 100K, better than average. Yay!

The turn comes 7. Finally! Things are going my way for the first time this week. Let’s Go!

The river comes an 8.

There just are no words.

I know bad beats happen. They just shouldn’t happen so cruelly and consistently over the course of three days. They just shouldn’t.

Anyway, it’s obviously just not my week.

So, I’m not going to go into the $1100 tourney at The Wynn tomorrow like I was planning. And I’m not going back for Day 1C of the $600 tourney at The Venetian either, which was my back-up plan. Nah, I’ve seen enough of the Venetian these last three days.

Perhaps I’ll get in my steps by walking up to The Aria. There’s a friendly little $240 daily tournament there. No big prize pool, but I need to slow it down. And the Aria has always been good to me. I’ll make you a deal. If I win that tournament, I’ll March in The Pride Parade next June.

Karma. Trumps bad luck every time.