Calgary and
The Deerfoot Inn and Casino. Friendly place.

Before we
get to poker, let’s talk about a certain woman at a poker table.

Now you
know I’m a feminist through and through, right? And you also know I am married
to the most beautiful woman in the world, yes? So, you know that when I notice
other women at all, I see only inner beauty. Surface aesthetics mean nothing to
me.

That said,
I do remember what “hot” looks like, and I do remember from my youth the
various manifestations of the term. There was the unqualified “stone-cold-smokin’-hot“,
there was “only-available–single-girl-at-your-cousin Shlomo’s-wedding-hot”,
and of course there was always “two-in-the-morning-nobody-else-left-in-the-bar-hot”.

So let me
just say that the woman in seat 5 was not just “poker-table-hot” or even
“bottle-service-nightclub-hostess-hot”, no sir. This young lady was hot
AF, as my kids say. She looked uncannily like a young (and maybe even better
looking) Keri Russell. And ironically, she’s Russian! (Keri Russell played a Russian
spy on The Americans, of course). Without a doubt this was the best-looking
human being I’ve ever seen at, or even near, a poker table.

That’s all.
That’s it. There’s no lurid story here. If you remember, I am married to the
most beautiful woman in the world. I don’t really notice other women. Just
thought I’d mention her as she’ll factor into a story about a fateful hand I’ll
be telling you about. No other reason. Well, and because she had cheekbones
that could julienne baby carrots.

Can we please
get to poker.

$1500
buy-in, WSOP circuit tourney. Ten hours in I’m cruising. I’ve got 130K (from a
40K starting stack) and the average is probably 80K or so. I’ve done this
without winning one big hand, just chicanery and attrition.

Very
entertaining table and I’ve been here literally since the beginning of the day. I’m playing with a very likeable, loquacious, and slightly androgynous guy named Lapchi Duong, pictured below (he livestreams on Twitch under the name
Lapchi Poker). He looks and sounds like an Asian Alvin The Chipmunk, permanent
smile and a steady stream-of-consciousness patter. He plays very aggressively
and likes to preflop raise often.

Blinds are
1000/2000, and Lapchi makes his standard min-raise to 4000 from middle position.
I’m in the Big Blind with 34 suited in spades. He gets two callers one from
Keri Russell seated directly to his left and one from the Small Blind. I feel
like I’m completely priced in with low suited connectors so I call. You may not
like that play, I do.

The flop
comes K-7-4 all hearts. Not much there for me, I admit. 13,000 in the pot, I
check and Lapchi makes his standard continuation bet for 10k from a stack of
about 44K and Keri Russell calls with a similarly sized stack. The SB folds to
me.

You may see
that I have nothing but bottom pair on a very live board. Not me. I see opportunity.

If I raise
here, they really can’t put me on anything but a flush, right? If I had a flush
I would raise here. In fact, think about it, there’s really nothing else I can
have here that would compel me to raise. That’s the story I’d be telling with a
pot-sized raise. I’d believe that story. They should believe that story.

I put Kerri
Russell on an Ace-high flush draw. Not much else makes sense for her given her
action. Lapchi could literally have any two cards. I smell an opening. I brazenly raise
to 36K essentially obligating them to commit the bulk of their chips and their
tournament lives. Or fold.

Lapchi goes
into the tank for about three full minutes, muttering under his breath things
like “you obviously have the flush… 5-6 of hearts… 6-8 of hearts…“ He really
shouldn’t be table-talking as Keri Russell is still in the hand, but he’s such
a good guy, nobody, including the dealer, objects. He continues to mutter. He’s
just about to let go of his cards and throw them in the muck. I think I’ve got
him. And then… he calls. And she calls. Dammit.

The turn is
the 4 of clubs giving me two pair and suddenly I think, is it possible they
both have AK? Did that seemingly innocuous turn card just screw them both? They’ve
both got less than 9K and the pot is about 120K so we all quickly go through the formality of getting it all-in. 

Keri Russell turns over AK with the Ace of hearts, exactly as I suspected. 

Lapchi
turns over pocket Kings for top set exactly as I did not expect!

The river
was redundant. No card helps me.

“You seriously
took that long to call with trip Kings?” I smiled across the table as I laid
down my dead hand.

He looked at me with new respect, and said “I was 100%
certain you had a flush there. 100%. It was a great bluff. If I have anything
but pocket kings, I lay it down. But I just couldn’t fold top set, even though
I knew I was beat.” 

And it’s
true. If he has anything, literally anything, but pocket kings, my bluff
works.

Anyway,
that minor misstep took me down to a slightly less than average stack. A little
after that my set of 6’s lost to a set of 8’s and my desperation all-in move
with A8 got called by a monster stack with A5 and the 5 popped up right in the
window and my night was over.

But the
beginning of the end was that hand with Lapchi and Keri Russell.

I still
like the move. I‘d do it again, given the chance.

And I will
have that chance next month at the WSOP Seniors tournament in Las Vegas. 

Stay
tuned.

Oh, quick
story. And keep in mind this is a WSOP circuit tournament. This is not two
school children playing Uno on the bus to summer camp. The buy-in is $1500 and first
prize is over $240,000 and a coveted World Series diamond-studded ring. At the
next table over the flop comes 3-9-9 and two combatants raise and reraise each
other until they’re both all-in. Opponent #1 triumphantly turns over pocket 3’s
for a full house. Opponent #2 also reveals her pocket 3’s for a full house.

There were
five 3’s in the deck.

In a WSOP
tournament!

They
scrapped the hand.

Can you
imagine?