So I get to
the Casino at about 8:00 PM. They just renovated the whole hotel and it looks
pretty good. It’s not Vegas but it’s certainly Vegas-ish. The reason I’m here
is The Los Angeles Poker Classic (LAPC), a series of tournaments, about fifty individual
events ranging from inexpensive buy-ins right up to the main event which is a
$10,000 buy-in taking place in late February.
By the time
I get there, a $175 buy-in had already started at 6:00 PM but there’s late
registration until 8:30 so I jump in. Why not? It’s a modest buy-in (by my LOFTY
standards!) but there’s $100,000 in the prize pool so who am I to turn my
Jewish nose up at that?
the Casino at about 8:00 PM. They just renovated the whole hotel and it looks
pretty good. It’s not Vegas but it’s certainly Vegas-ish. The reason I’m here
is The Los Angeles Poker Classic (LAPC), a series of tournaments, about fifty individual
events ranging from inexpensive buy-ins right up to the main event which is a
$10,000 buy-in taking place in late February.
By the time
I get there, a $175 buy-in had already started at 6:00 PM but there’s late
registration until 8:30 so I jump in. Why not? It’s a modest buy-in (by my LOFTY
standards!) but there’s $100,000 in the prize pool so who am I to turn my
Jewish nose up at that?
But I lose.
I can’t remember how. Doesn’t really matter.
I can’t remember how. Doesn’t really matter.
I jump into
a $150 satellite tournament that starts at 9:00 PM. The prize is an $1100
ticket into ANOTHER satellite to the main event. 3 hours later I win it! $1100.
Nice. And it’s transferable so I can sell it for close to face value. A good
start to the weekend. That $1100 will pay for the $570 tournament on Saturday
and the $350 tournament on Sunday. So –
in poker parlance – I’m what we call “free rollin’”. I hit the hay, happy.
a $150 satellite tournament that starts at 9:00 PM. The prize is an $1100
ticket into ANOTHER satellite to the main event. 3 hours later I win it! $1100.
Nice. And it’s transferable so I can sell it for close to face value. A good
start to the weekend. That $1100 will pay for the $570 tournament on Saturday
and the $350 tournament on Sunday. So –
in poker parlance – I’m what we call “free rollin’”. I hit the hay, happy.
Saturday
morning, I’m up with the birds (I can never sleep when I’m at a casino) and
(even by bird standards) it is a beauty of a day. 75 and not a cloud in the
sky. They have a fine-looking, pool-side sun deck there so I catch some rays,
read my book, and life is pretty fucking good. A couple of hours later (and a
few shades darker) I head to the spa for a whirlpool and a shvitz and a
massage. My masseuse is an attractive plumpish Colombian woman named Aracia
whose hands should be amputated and enshrined in the Massage Hall Of Fame. Not
now, though! When she dies, I mean! I don’t mean it should be done now, that
would be a horrible, cruel waste of talent (and hands!) But when she dies,
there should be some acknowledgement of her gift. That’s what I think. And no,
no “happy ending”. Very professional. All good, Ruth.
morning, I’m up with the birds (I can never sleep when I’m at a casino) and
(even by bird standards) it is a beauty of a day. 75 and not a cloud in the
sky. They have a fine-looking, pool-side sun deck there so I catch some rays,
read my book, and life is pretty fucking good. A couple of hours later (and a
few shades darker) I head to the spa for a whirlpool and a shvitz and a
massage. My masseuse is an attractive plumpish Colombian woman named Aracia
whose hands should be amputated and enshrined in the Massage Hall Of Fame. Not
now, though! When she dies, I mean! I don’t mean it should be done now, that
would be a horrible, cruel waste of talent (and hands!) But when she dies,
there should be some acknowledgement of her gift. That’s what I think. And no,
no “happy ending”. Very professional. All good, Ruth.
The Saturday $570 Tournament
Saturday at
1:00 PM I start the $570 buy-in. I’m cruising along just fine about two hours
in I’ve got an average stack of about 13000 and the blinds are 100-200. I look
down at KK. The guy UTG raises to $400 and I smooth call from middle position.
There are a couple of loose players yet to act that have been re-raising
pre-flop pretty consistently so I’m pretty much counting on that. Sure enough
some clown (who is new to the table) splashes $3000 chips in the pot, a fairly
ridiculous raise. It folds around to me, and after a moment I shove all-in. He
snap calls (idiot!) for almost his entire stack and – with flourish yet – turns
over pocket sixes. The 6 comes right in the window and I’m out. Have I
mentioned before how much I hate Kings!? I think I have.
1:00 PM I start the $570 buy-in. I’m cruising along just fine about two hours
in I’ve got an average stack of about 13000 and the blinds are 100-200. I look
down at KK. The guy UTG raises to $400 and I smooth call from middle position.
There are a couple of loose players yet to act that have been re-raising
pre-flop pretty consistently so I’m pretty much counting on that. Sure enough
some clown (who is new to the table) splashes $3000 chips in the pot, a fairly
ridiculous raise. It folds around to me, and after a moment I shove all-in. He
snap calls (idiot!) for almost his entire stack and – with flourish yet – turns
over pocket sixes. The 6 comes right in the window and I’m out. Have I
mentioned before how much I hate Kings!? I think I have.
I go to the
outlet mall which I can walk to from my hotel and buy the kids t-shirts and
baseball caps. The mall is busy and lively and not depressing like some outlet
malls. In fact it’s inspirational to see all those fat Americans spending their
hard-earned money on pizza pretzels. It made me happy.
outlet mall which I can walk to from my hotel and buy the kids t-shirts and
baseball caps. The mall is busy and lively and not depressing like some outlet
malls. In fact it’s inspirational to see all those fat Americans spending their
hard-earned money on pizza pretzels. It made me happy.
Saturday
night back in the poker palace, in one corner of the massive room, they are
running “sit-n-go” one-table tournaments all night for stakes ranging from
$100-$300. The games are loose and entertaining, lots of characters, lots of
camaraderie. It’s fun. I play in four of them and cash in two, for a modest
profit. That’s two nights in a row I go up to my room late and tired, but “in
the black”.
night back in the poker palace, in one corner of the massive room, they are
running “sit-n-go” one-table tournaments all night for stakes ranging from
$100-$300. The games are loose and entertaining, lots of characters, lots of
camaraderie. It’s fun. I play in four of them and cash in two, for a modest
profit. That’s two nights in a row I go up to my room late and tired, but “in
the black”.
On Sunday
morning I woke up early to drive 30 minutes out to the San Gabriel mountain
range in Angeles National Park to meet Ben Bass. Ben lives in LA and hikes up
mountains in his spare time, and has invited me to go up a mountain with him.
So I did. An hour up and about 45
minutes down. OK so it’s not the BIGGEST mountain in the world – it’s still a
fucking mountain! It was – quite literally – a breath of fresh air, and
completely awe-inspiring. Thanks Ben.
morning I woke up early to drive 30 minutes out to the San Gabriel mountain
range in Angeles National Park to meet Ben Bass. Ben lives in LA and hikes up
mountains in his spare time, and has invited me to go up a mountain with him.
So I did. An hour up and about 45
minutes down. OK so it’s not the BIGGEST mountain in the world – it’s still a
fucking mountain! It was – quite literally – a breath of fresh air, and
completely awe-inspiring. Thanks Ben.
The Sunday $350 Bounty Tournament
I got back
just in time for the $350 Bounty tournament at 1:00 PM. We start with $10,000
in chips. About an hour in, check out this hand: I’ve got $12,500. I min-raise
from UTG with TJ and get two callers. The guy in MP has a short-ish stack
(6000) and the guy on the button has a little less than me. Remember it’s a
Bounty tournament so I get $100 cash for every knockout. Flop comes QK3 with
two clubs. Interesting possibilities for me so I lead out with a c-bet for $900.
MP raises to $2000 leaving about $4000 behind. BB calls. I’m pot-committed and sitting
with an up and down straight draw so I pretty much have to complete the $1100. The
turn is the Ace of spades. Dream card for me. A “Broadway” straight. I check. MP shoves and the BB
goes all-in as well. Perfect. I’ve got the nuts (for now) so I can’t get my
money in fast enough. We flip over our cards. MP shows pocket 3’s for trips. BB
has 68 of clubs for the flush draw. And I’m in the lead. A brick
on the river will give me the early tournament chip lead and two bounty’s for $200 cash.
River card: Ace of clubs. Nightmare card. They both beat me. I’m crippled down
to 2300 chips. I’m in trouble.
just in time for the $350 Bounty tournament at 1:00 PM. We start with $10,000
in chips. About an hour in, check out this hand: I’ve got $12,500. I min-raise
from UTG with TJ and get two callers. The guy in MP has a short-ish stack
(6000) and the guy on the button has a little less than me. Remember it’s a
Bounty tournament so I get $100 cash for every knockout. Flop comes QK3 with
two clubs. Interesting possibilities for me so I lead out with a c-bet for $900.
MP raises to $2000 leaving about $4000 behind. BB calls. I’m pot-committed and sitting
with an up and down straight draw so I pretty much have to complete the $1100. The
turn is the Ace of spades. Dream card for me. A “Broadway” straight. I check. MP shoves and the BB
goes all-in as well. Perfect. I’ve got the nuts (for now) so I can’t get my
money in fast enough. We flip over our cards. MP shows pocket 3’s for trips. BB
has 68 of clubs for the flush draw. And I’m in the lead. A brick
on the river will give me the early tournament chip lead and two bounty’s for $200 cash.
River card: Ace of clubs. Nightmare card. They both beat me. I’m crippled down
to 2300 chips. I’m in trouble.
Ten minutes
later, I’ve chipped up to 3500 when I look down to see the dreaded KK again.
This time though, I triple up with them and all the sudden I’m back in business
with 12000 chips. What a rollercoaster!
later, I’ve chipped up to 3500 when I look down to see the dreaded KK again.
This time though, I triple up with them and all the sudden I’m back in business
with 12000 chips. What a rollercoaster!
The tourney
started with 473 people. By midnight it’s down to 6 and lo and behold, I’m one
of them. Top prize is $18,000. 6th pays about $3800. The chip leader at that
time is an affable, gregarious Jewish guy (Moroccan? Israeli?) named
(appropriately) Ami. There’s also two obnoxious young poker nerd know-it-alls, two
older Russians (and by “older” I mean my age!) and myself. Ami proposes a
six-way even chop (everyone is to receive approximately $8800) leaving $3000 (and
the championship trophy) on the table still to play for. It’s a pretty generous
offer considering he’s got a substantial chip lead. Normally I hate to chop,
but I’m in dead last in chips and dead tired and its midnight and I’ve got 7
meetings the next day in LA, so I’m fine with it. It takes a while, but eventually
everyone agrees. So now we are guaranteed no less than $8800 apiece.
started with 473 people. By midnight it’s down to 6 and lo and behold, I’m one
of them. Top prize is $18,000. 6th pays about $3800. The chip leader at that
time is an affable, gregarious Jewish guy (Moroccan? Israeli?) named
(appropriately) Ami. There’s also two obnoxious young poker nerd know-it-alls, two
older Russians (and by “older” I mean my age!) and myself. Ami proposes a
six-way even chop (everyone is to receive approximately $8800) leaving $3000 (and
the championship trophy) on the table still to play for. It’s a pretty generous
offer considering he’s got a substantial chip lead. Normally I hate to chop,
but I’m in dead last in chips and dead tired and its midnight and I’ve got 7
meetings the next day in LA, so I’m fine with it. It takes a while, but eventually
everyone agrees. So now we are guaranteed no less than $8800 apiece.
This was
supposed to speed up the process. It doesn’t. Miraculously, TWO FUCKING HOURS
LATER we’re still sitting there, all six of us exchanging chips. It’s like a degenerate Ironman contest. It’s 2:00 AM for Chrissakes, we’ve been there for 13 hours! FINALLY in relatively quick
succession we lose the two nerds and one of the Russians (I took out one of the
nerds – felt so good!) and at 2:30 with three of us left, Ami has an even more massive
chip lead. Remember we’re only playing for $3000 and the bragging rights of finishing
first, and of course… the trophy.
supposed to speed up the process. It doesn’t. Miraculously, TWO FUCKING HOURS
LATER we’re still sitting there, all six of us exchanging chips. It’s like a degenerate Ironman contest. It’s 2:00 AM for Chrissakes, we’ve been there for 13 hours! FINALLY in relatively quick
succession we lose the two nerds and one of the Russians (I took out one of the
nerds – felt so good!) and at 2:30 with three of us left, Ami has an even more massive
chip lead. Remember we’re only playing for $3000 and the bragging rights of finishing
first, and of course… the trophy.
The trophy is a doozy. It’s a massive iron
sculpture of a mean ugly guy on a horse and he’s whipping the horse. The trophy
weighs 50 pounds easy. If I win it, I’m going to have to spend 500 clams to FedEx
this motherfucker home, and the second it arrives, Ruth is going to kick it out
of the house, I know it! So when Ami says “I’m tired, let’s just split the 3
grand three ways, I get the trophy, and we can get the fuck out of here!” I
didn’t take any convincing.
Here’s a picture of the trophy. I can’t believe I figured out how to insert a picture! My son Joey is as shocked as he is proud.
sculpture of a mean ugly guy on a horse and he’s whipping the horse. The trophy
weighs 50 pounds easy. If I win it, I’m going to have to spend 500 clams to FedEx
this motherfucker home, and the second it arrives, Ruth is going to kick it out
of the house, I know it! So when Ami says “I’m tired, let’s just split the 3
grand three ways, I get the trophy, and we can get the fuck out of here!” I
didn’t take any convincing.
Here’s a picture of the trophy. I can’t believe I figured out how to insert a picture! My son Joey is as shocked as he is proud.
So that’s
what we did. Technically (and on paper) I finished 2nd, but we all
got the same amount, so I like to think of it as “co-winning”. All right, fine,
I finished 2nd! We got $9700 each, plus I accumulated $700 in
bounties, so my profit for the tourney is just over 10 grand.
I know. It’s hardly a fortune. But I wouldn’t throw it outta bed for eating crackers! Does anyone have a freakin’ clue what that means!?
As always, thanks for reading. Speak soon.
virgilgoestoeurope 
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